In 2010, while on a sacred geometry tour with Blue Morpho Tours in Iquitos, Peru, I had my first spiritual experience that allowed me to let go of a long-held anxiety that had manifested in my throat and finances. A tight band of terror encircled my neck, stretching outward from the inside to widen my throat and then pulling in toward me from the outside like a contracting band. This occurrence made it impossible for me to sing in a choir for more than an hour since my voice would become hoarse even if I was well-hydrated. My throat and neck were literally ensnared in a ball and chain of fear.
I had just lost a big contract with the San Diego County Regional Airport Authority before I went to the Amazon. A subcontracting firm of mine that I bought in 2005 with my own money has grown into an operation with three machines that serves a variety of clients in the public sector, local government and the building trades as well as home owners associations. I was the only woman in San Diego County who owned a street sweeping business, which I mention not to brag about my gender but to emphasise how much I valued my position as the sole female leader in a male-dominated industry.
I would lose my contract with the Airport for just one cause. I had no idea what my husband’s routine was like. He manifested in this world through a number of vices, including lying and gambling. Some people choose to create, but he decided to destroy.
My husband was a gambler, but I didn’t know it at the time, even though there were obvious symptoms. My husband had a tendency to speak poorly of me behind my back, but I didn’t detest him. I assumed he was a close buddy of mine who struggled with the truth as a child owing to a lack of manly vitality. I was under the impression that his upbringing in poverty was merely a reflection of his circumstances, and not a reflection of his character. When it came to really doing something, though, he was more interested in pretending to be successful than taking action. He cherished the fact that I would take care of the bills while he was able to escape into his dream world. In order to have a lasting marriage, you must first meet in the actual world, not in a fantasy world. Second, you must pay attention to what others are saying. As a final piece of advice, love your partner with your whole being.
As soon as I lost the four-year contract with the airport, I realised that everything else in my life was in jeopardy as well. I was terrified because I was on the verge of going bankrupt. Even though I was a Mormon at the time, I found no comfort in a faith that placed its emphasis on a male god of anger, a patriarchal social structure that devalued women, or even on gossip. Similarly, women in the church opted to pervert their power through self-appointed judgement and harsh remarks, a twisted tool of masculine energy.
Because the masculine energy had let me down, I sought solace in the feminine energy.
Since I was a shamanic follower, I chose to drink Ayahuasaca in the Amazon to rid myself of my fear and open divine love, if such a thing existed. To my knowledge, this would be my first foray into the world of psychedelics. I’d never been to the Amazon before.
I sipped half a cup of Ayahusaca during my first ceremony with Blue Morpho Tours, and it was delicious. Dimethyltrptamine is produced by combining two plants, the Banisteriopsis Caapi Vine and the Chacruna leaf, also known as psychotria viridis. At night, you’re employing your inner vision when you have dreams.
This is not a drug trip or a way to get high, so let me clear things up. One of Ayahuasca’s nicknames is “La Purge” or “Vine of Death.” Ayahuasca does not produce a euphoric effect. You experience intense visions and wisdom from Mother Vine while simultaneously vomiting or defecating your toxins, emotions, mindsets, and discordant energy. You vomit your pain. You shit your suffering. You may even shed a few tears as a result of the emotional release. Taking this plant into your body isn’t a simple task, but it is sacred. It is sacred because the plant is intelligent and can respond to your questions.
In many ways, the plant is like a mother to a baby, loving, compassionate, and supportive. You must also be aware that when the message grows too intense, you must tell the plant, Mother Vine, that you are done with it. You must tell her, “Thank you Ayahuasca. This particular recollection has helped me come to terms with it. It’s okay if you release this from me,” and then you vomit the energy into your bucket or hurry to the toilet in order to avoid shitting your trousers, and the anguish is released.